Pain is most intense when it's gradual

These thoughts of mine are spinning around and around but what's the use when they are getting me absolutely nowhere? I have this huge weight on my shoulders that's caused by an insane amount of stress. This isn't easy to admit but i've always felt like i can't talk to anyone unless i have something really really important or interesting to say. The fear of rejection is controlling my life little by little. I know i'm missing out on so much. There have been far too many interesting people i have passed up in my life. Regrets are adding up like trash. Too many jars are filled up with tears of shame. I hate the fact that i'm overly sensitive to e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.Why does it seem like everyone is kicking back enjoying life while here i am running around like a crazy person trying to meet expectations. Depression is slowly drowning my confidence. It becomes absurd when you get to the point where you begin to admire other people so much that you ignore the good in yourself.Every day you must saySo, how do I feel about my life ?Anything is hard to findWhen you will not open your eyesWhen will you accept yourself ?I am sick and I am dullAnd I am plainHow dearly I'd love to get carried awayOh, but dreams have a knack of just not coming trueAnd time is against me now...ohOh, who and what to blame ?Oh, anything is hard to findWhen you will not open your eyesWhen will you accept yourself, for heaven's sake ?Anything is hard to findWhen you will not open your eyesEvery day you must sayOh, how do I feel about the past ?Others conquered love - but I ranI sat in my room and I drew up a planOh, but plans can fall through (as so often they do)And time is against me now...And there's no-one left to blameOh, tell me when will you ...When will you accept your life ?(The one that you hate)For anything is hard to findWhen you will not open your eyesEvery day you must sayOh, how do I feel about my shoes ?They make me awkward and plainHow dearly I would love to kick with the fray ...But I once had a dream (and it never came true)And time is against me now...Time is against me now...And there's no one but yourself to blameOh, anything is hard to findWhen you will not open your eyesAnything is hard to find; for heaven's sake !Anything is hard to findWhen you will not open your eyesWhen will you accept yourself ?When ?When ?When ?When ?-The Smiths-